Ways to Win My Heart

Ways to Win My Heart

For me, a lot of this list applies to both meaningful friendships and the more romantically inclined.

Vulnerability is sexy. And that might be because it’s harder. It exposes your emotions and involves more risk of getting hurt. Opening up and expressing how you feel with me says you trust me enough to do that, something you don’t do with everyone – and I think that’s special.

Tell me a story. I have a healthy curiosity. I want to know a person’s story – their life experiences and what has shaped them into who they are. It helps me connect with someone.

Laughter. I dig wit and love to laugh. Let’s indulge our inner child. Let’s be carefree – act a little “inappropriate” in public and have some fun! When in doubt, let’s go to a comedy club or break into a spontaneous goofy dance. 😉

Curiosity. I admire someone who likes to learn and who asks questions about the world around them. I love to explore and like to have an adventure partner.

Passion. I love when a person’s eyes light up as they talk about a passion. And then there’s that certain chemistry with someone where sexual tension lingers in the air from simply locking eyes with one another.

Appreciate the interior. I like to be acknowledged for being more than a pretty face. Ask questions or compliment me on something that isn’t physical.

Attention. I like to feel desired and to know that you enjoy spending time with me. And if we are at dinner, put your phone away for a little while. I notice when people are engaged or distant. It shows that you’d rather be with me than pin balling around the cyber world.

Kind gestures. I love words – a simple, handwritten note just does something for me. I also love surprising my friends with a card in the mail or random gift. Not only because I hope it brightens their day, but I also like for people to know how much I really appreciate having them in my life.

Are you ready to win my heart?

WAYS TO WIN MY HEART ANAS 4.cdr

 

Via Kristin Birdwell

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The OKAY Life- Are you OKAY?

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Look around you and look inside you. How many people do you think are settling?

I will tell you: a hell of a lot of people. People are settling every day into okay relationships and okay jobs and an okay life.

And do you know why?

Because okay is comfortable, Okay pays the bills and gives a warm bed at night and allows one to go out with co-workers on a Friday evening to enjoy happy hour.

But do you know what okay is not?

Okay isn’t thrilling, it isn’t passion, it isn’t the reason you get up every day; it isn’t life-changing or unforgettable.

Okay is not the reason you go to bed late and wake up early.

Okay is not the reason you risk absolutely everything you’ve got just for the smallest chance that something amazing could happen.

 

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via Erienne Lette

 

 

 

 

 

LESSONS YOU WILL LEARN IN LIFE!

You Will Learn!
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As you grow up life is going to throw so many more obstacles in front of you.
Succeed and fail at jobs, fall down over and over and have to get back up. And you will always have to get back up and keep going.
You will go out into the world, and nothing will be fair. It will shock you. You will have to figure out which battles are worth fighting for and you will realize everything in your life will be a choice.
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You will have the choice to fight or not to fight.
You will have the choice to blend in or stand out.
There will be moments when you will need to be brave.
Moments when you will need to listen instead of speak, and moments when you will need to speak instead of listen- and you will need to know the difference.
You will need to figure out how to love yourself, others and the world- in that order.
Your heart will get blasted into a million pieces and, this will be one of those moments you will need to be brave, you will need to put it back together using yourself, others and the world- the very same things that shattered your heart to pieces in the first place.
You will have the choice to let your defeats, embarrassments and failures define and weaken you, or make you a more empathetic and courageous human being.
You will have to face a media shitstorm. Everywhere you look there will be someone to compare yourself to, something to live up to, some person making you feel inadequate, threatened or afraid.
And you will have to be smarter.
You will have to investigate for yourself, you will have to form your own opinions and ideals and it will seem impossible and lonely at times, but it’s a struggle worth embracing- and it may take a lifetime, so don’t ever surrender.
You will be disappointed by how the world is presented to you. You will need to be more than creative, you will need to be innovative and take what’s given to you and recreate it.
You will have to learn to seek- to really hunt for the good, and you will realize you have to be the good in the world, and you will have to figure out how.
You will have to follow through. You won’t always follow through or honor your word- and you will learn how detrimental that will be.
You will lose things- innocence, dignity, pride, friends, lovers, family members. Your parents will get older- their hair will turn grey, they will get sick, you will need to be there for them.
You will need to suck it up and be strong for others.
You will have to prioritize your time and energy.
You will have to determine what and who is important.
You will have to be dependable for the people you love.
You will need to stop thinking of only yourself.
You will need to take responsibility.
You will need to care. You will need to connect.
You will need to be able to recognize those who are toxic to your well being and you will need to learn to forgive them and let them go- because, you will learn, that sometimes you too, are toxic and worthy of being forgiven and let go.
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You will feel sad. There will be some days where you won’t want to get out of bed and try. But there will also be some days where you can’t sleep because you are so excited about something, there will be moments when life will feel perfect.
You will learn to remember the good days on the bad days and you will get out of bed and keep trying.
You will learn how complex you are.
You will surprise yourself. You will disappoint yourself.
You will be proud of yourself. You will hate yourself. You will love yourself.
You will realize others are as complex as you are.
You will learn not to fear different people, or opinions, or lifestyles.
You will learn to embrace everything foreign to you with open arms.
You will learn to be tolerant. You will become more interested in people, more forgiving, and more loving because of this.
You will learn that people in power are sometimes cruel. There will be people who have authority over you who will abuse you. You will have to learn to stand up for yourself.
You will have to remind yourself that you are powerful too, even if they don’t think you are.
You will learn how to help others see their own power- you will learn that breaking others down is a sign of weakness, not strength. You will learn how to be a leader and not a dictator.
You will learn to laugh. Laughter will be your saving grace, and you will realize it’s the only weapon you will need in any battle. You will learn that people who can laugh at themselves always win.
You will learn it’s worth it to pay attention to everything and everyone, even though everything you see, experience or encounter will most likely leave you completely bewildered and confused. Be conscious. Don’t ignore things just because it’s easier.
You will find soul mates. People who, in a crowded room, you can make eye contact with and just know what they are thinking. You will know who these people are because they will be around for all of it, they will endure your messy life with you. This doesn’t mean they will be physically with you all the time. Your soul mates will be traveling along on their own path, fighting their own journey, but along the way you both will be each others teachers and safety net. They will let you go out into the world and be there in some form when you come back completely fucked up from whatever happened to you out there. You will exchange stories with them. They will challenge you, they will see the best in you, they will bring out the best. They will remind you of all your strengths when you are downtrodden and they will call you out when you are being an idiot. They will protect you, sometimes from yourself. You will learn that being someone else’s soul mate is even better than having one.
You will love and lose. And love and lose. And love and lose. Each love will be different, and awesome, and horrifying. And you will learn to always be brave enough and willing to love again. And when you find that love you can’t live without, you will learn to fight for it every single day.
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But most of all, you will learn to keep learning and re-learning.
You will learn that your mistakes make you a good teacher, a more empathetic member of humanity.
You will learn that throughout the different stages of your life you will make new mistakes, and that you will be ever evolving and in flux.
And you will hopefully learn to make peace with this and accept your own humanness. And I hope you will, at the end of it all, have enjoyed being alive.
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Are you a “Boss” or a “Leader?”

I believe there’s a big difference between being a “Boss” and a “Leader.”

You’ll hear people call themselves “the boss” but very rarely does anyone call themselves “the leader.”

To me, declaring yourself “the boss” is similar to screaming “I’M IMPORTANT” out the window of your apartment to random passerbyers on the street.

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Someone who is capable and focused on climbing the ladder, someone who works hard, mainly for themselves and who believes that the people underneath them owe them their time and hard work.

Leaders seem to possess a sense of keen self awareness that allows them to be a quieter type of person. Someone focused on a bigger goal which is bigger than them, and someone who views the people working for them as valuable assets, a team of dedicated individuals whom without, their dream or company would be unmanageable.

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The difference is one way of thinking is simple and easy and the other way is harder and much more work. And this is why: Leaders know their people. People are complex; they aren’t just what is listed on a resume, or recommended by a professional reference.

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People have dreams, passions, skills, talents, they grow, they change, they need, they want.

Leaders not only understand this, but they take the time to really understand the people on their team- discover who they are, which is a lot of hard work. It involves a lot of asking, and a lot of listening.

Leaders know that taking the time to devote to understanding the other people they are working with is important because life is not just work.

Leaders see the “big picture.” The big picture always involves more than just a single person. The big picture is that life is not just your oneself, or your own personal work. The big picture is life- which includes many other people. Life is family, its relationships, friendships, love, its exploration, its experiences, it’s a roller coaster, and work is just a part of it. A leader understands that each person they are accountable for is living their own unique, complex life- full of their own unique struggles, passions, disappointments, successes and hopes. This is important because when you lose sight of the big picture you end up shrinking your world when in actuality you want to expand.

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Leaders lead by example. Leading by example doesn’t mean that every day at work you are flawless, it means that every day you are at work you are honest, you try your best, you are sincere, and never give up. A good leader can have a bad day, but won’t let those bad days get them down in the long haul, they never lose hope. A good leader admits mistakes, takes accountability, honors their word, and respects others.

Respect is something that bosses seem to believe their employees owe them instantly, just based off some hierarchy put in place to create a sense of structure. But leaders know that respect is not only a two way street and something that every person is owed, but also something that is earned and can be lost. Leaders don’t talk down, or shut down people working with them- they don’t use their authority to belittle others to build themselves up. They don’t see value in silencing people they may disagree with. Because the rare, intelligent, and talented people won’t follow a leader who breaks them down or disrespects them forever. People of value won’t stick around and let you beat them down, they will leave. And true leaders know that no one can accomplish anything alone.

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Leaders know how to communicate. They can do this because they know their people, they see the big picture, they respect others and therefore they can easily communicate their thoughts and feelings to others who are looking to them for answers or advice. They don’t manipulate. They can explain things clearly. They know how to actively listen, they can make tough decisions, they can handle problems or concerns with sensitivity and awareness. They are direct, they are positive, they are firm and they are never all-knowing. They are thoughtful and they are honest when speaking to others.

  1. Leaders have imagination and can laugh.
  2. Leaders have swept the floor, they aren’t above anything.
  3. Leaders say thank you.
  4. Leaders are FAIR.
  5. Leaders reward hard work.
  6. Leaders take action.
  7. Leaders appreciate.
  8. Leaders observe and learn.
  9. Leaders can be anyone and everyone.

SO ALL OF YOU READING THIS WHICH SIDE ARE YOU?

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BE A LEADER

 

Via Jennifer Marie Donahue

This is an open letter to a friend.

This is an open letter to a friend. They know who they are. I am sharing it with the world as I believe the contents may inspire others to move.

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I’ve been aware of the shining light within you for some time now. You are capable of being bold, of changing more than you are willing to admit. You are capable of living this glorious life and impacting positively on the lives of so many.

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One of most common human failings is settling for too little. It’s easier to fly low, because it feels safe. By flying too low we shortchange ourselves and others. We settle for low expectations and small dreams. Often society reminds us about the dangers of standing up, standing out and making a noise. Well, it’s time. It’s time to turn up as an adult. It’s time to say I am HERE!

Why are you afraid of the risk to shine brightly? The path that is available to us all is to reach higher than we’ve thought possible. Yes, by taking risks one becomes vulnerable. However life is about an attitude and it’s available to anyone who chooses to adopt it.

You are your own unique human being, with inherent gifts and unrealized talents. You have a capacity to touch others, yet you remain fearful to try. Scared of being a failure, so you don’t even give it a go. There isn’t a pain-free way to achieve your goals. It takes commitment, determination, ups and downs. You haven’t succeeded with your learning yet, not because you can’t figure it out, but because you haven’t been willing to try and simply do it. Always claiming it’s all too hard. But through action comes liberation of your heart and mind.

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This message to you is about imploring you to commit to learning that is personal, that requires guts and that has the potential to change everything for you. If you believe that you have no talent, in anything, then you are hiding. Life might scare you, sharing your thinking with others might scare you. But doing nothing by standing still, instead of standing up, should scare you the most.

Your pain is real. It’s the pain of possibility, vulnerability and risk. The easiest way to avoid this pain is to live a life that numbs you, simply existing. I took a massive risk with you, allowed myself to be vulnerable because I see the possibility in your heart of something significant. This pain is part of being alive. In order for there to be courage, there must be risk. When are you going to truly start living this life instead of just breathing?

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You live in a privileged world and now have a huge opportunity. You’ve already challenged the status quo with your choices to date. You have taken risks with so many aspects of your life, but none involve honoring yourself through the investment of meaningful learning.

It’s time to consider the notion of remarkability. To be remarkable is to be new, fresh and risky, the natural antagonists of predictable, boring and safe. Education and knowledge is not limited to just gaining power, education and knowledge is transformational. Transforming self is everything but predictable, boring or safe. You have stories to share and have a capacity to connect to a generation through your compassion. Give yourself permission to embrace this humanity and start saying YES to yourself and the people that matter.

“Holding back is close to stealing” – Neil Young.

Don’t rob yourself of greatness. Greatness comes to those that honor their inner truth through authentic action.

I feel that all this needed to be said. I am a fellow traveler through the journey of life and I care enough to stand up and say ‘here’. I am here, present Sir, and active in helping you realize your purpose.

We determine our value. Each day that we delay investing in ourselves, we continue to de-value our being.

You are valuable. You are chaos. You are new, you are real and you are important.

What happened yesterday is over. Tomorrow the door is wide open, and this is your chance to connect and enable what you believe to be the impossible, possible.

Via Adriano Di Prato

8 PIECES OF ADVICE FOR THRIVING IN A WORLD OF CONSTANT CHANGE – Joi Ito

8 PIECES OF ADVICE FOR THRIVING IN A WORLD OF CONSTANT CHANGE – Joi Ito

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  1. Just try it.

If you want to learn to snowboard, you can study snowboarding books all you want. But once you get on the slope, things will be very different. For most people, it makes more sense to head out onto the slopes, fall a few times, and learn that way. This doesn’t mean theories’s not important but as you’re reading up on a topic, try it too. That way you’ll have an experience around which to build a framework for thinking.

  1. Look for people who can teach you, and people you can teach.

It’s very easy to find peers, so when you jump in and try something, you don’t have to do it alone. I assure you that I didn’t go shark diving on my own — I went with somebody who really knew what he was doing, and learned from him. Then, as a scuba instructor (and, now, a PADI-certified shark awareness instructor!), I’ve learned so much by teaching. A lot of people think learning is a solo activity, because that’s the way our schools are organized, but I think fundamentally learning is a very social thing.

  1. Become an anti-disciplinarian.

We use the word “anti-disciplinary” at the MIT Media Lab. We want people who both break the boundaries of disciplines and can move seamlessly between them. Worldviews and frameworks are so different between the traditional disciplines that practitioners have a difficult time talking to each other. The anti-disciplinarian has a global worldview that means you can translate what you learn from one discipline into another. That means you can pull together insights and translate them usefully for others. As disciplines keep changing and reinventing themselves, and as the world gets more connected, being able to move seamlessly between these different languages becomes increasingly important.

  1. Build a diverse network.

In the old days, you could learn how to be a banker and then you could do almost the same thing for the rest of your life. You would be pretty safe. But now, it’s unlikely that whatever you learn in college is going to stay the same over time. Having a wider network will give you more safety. Talking to people who are outside your traditional tribe can be uncomfortable — but in itself that’s helpful. The first time you go to a crowded market, it might be quite scary. But if you’re used to encountering new environments, you’ve built the ability to parse complexity and chaos and such an environment won’t faze you.

  1. Get comfortable being uncomfortable.

I grew up going back and forth between the U.S. and Japan. In Japan, they called me an American; in America, they called me Japanese. As a result, I felt out of place in both places — but I realized that I was learning more than the people who were comfortable. So I say: get comfortable with the idea of being uncomfortable. The reason I went shark diving was because I was afraid of sharks; the reason I once lived in Dubai was that, when I first visited the Middle East, I was so confused and uncomfortable that I thought this would be a great opportunity to learn. In fact, I only learn when I’m outside my comfort zone. We all need to get out of the echo-chamber.

  1. Think of technology as tools to help you achieve larger purposes.

It’s better to approach technology from the perspective of, “How does this help you live your life?” rather than, “What’s the new feature that you should try?” Technology is just a tool, so when you use it, figure out what you want to do and why you’re doing it, and then think about which technologies to apply. Remember, a solution may be very low-tech. Just today, I decided to switch to paper for scribbling down action items. It’s a better fit for the way I think about things.

  1. Deprogram yourself.

In the U.S., particularly, we are obsessed with goals. This linear thinking forces you to lean into the future, and to always be thinking about the next piece of chocolate you’re going to eat, not the one in your mouth right now. A lot of people who get to places like MIT have had to work very hard to achieve their goals, and that’s why deprogramming is a basic part of what we do at the Media Lab. We want them to tap into self-motivated, passion-driven learning. The answer to, “Why am I doing this?” is “Because I want to do this” rather than to please someone else, or to buy that thing. When you buy a new car, you pretty quickly want the next car; the cycle never ends. Whereas if you’re happy being present—you can always be happy.

  1. Make your own model.

One shoe simply doesn’t fit all. Just because I dropped out of college, I don’t suggest that others drop out of college  I think college is great for most people. I know that no one’s life is going to be exactly the same as mine, so doing as I did or doing as I say is not going to be the answer. Take other people’s experiences as inputs so you can create your own model. Question authority; think for yourself. Talk to people, do things unrelated to school — to come up with your own framework for living. The world is too complex and people are too different to be overly prescriptive about the details.

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About The Struggle

The Struggle is when you wonder why you started the company in the first place.

The Struggle is when people ask you why you don’t quit and you don’t know the answer.

The Struggle is when your employees think you are lying and you think they may be right.

The Struggle is when food loses its taste.

The Struggle is when you don’t believe you should be CEO of your company. The Struggle is when you know that you are in over your head and you know that you cannot be replaced. The Struggle is when everybody thinks you are an idiot, but nobody will fire you. The Struggle is where self-doubt becomes self-hatred.

The Struggle is when you are having a conversation with someone and you can’t hear a word that they are saying because all you can hear is The Struggle.

The Struggle is when you want the pain to stop. The Struggle is unhappiness.

The Struggle is when you go on vacation to feel better and you feel worse.

The Struggle is when you are surrounded by people and you are all alone. The Struggle has no mercy.

The Struggle is the land of broken promises and crushed dreams. The Struggle is a cold sweat. The Struggle is where your guts boil so much that you feel like you are going to spit blood.

The Struggle is not failure, but it causes failure. Especially if you are weak. Always if you are weak.

Most people are not strong enough.

Every great entrepreneur from Steve Jobs to Mark Zuckerberg went through The Struggle and struggle they did, so you are not alone. But that does not mean that you will make it. You may not make it. That is why it is The Struggle.

The Struggle is where greatness comes from.

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